How to talk dirty: a beginner's guide (without the cringe)

Most people want to be better at dirty talk. Most people also feel ridiculous the first time they try. The good news: it's a skill, not a talent, and typing it in a chat window is the easiest place to practise. Nobody can see you blush.

Start with what's true

The best dirty talk isn't a script. It's just honesty with the volume turned up. Start with things you actually feel:

• "I've been thinking about you all day."
• "I like it when you tell me what you want."
• "You're really distracting right now."

None of those are filthy. All of them work, because they're real and they invite a reply.

Build it in layers

Think of dirty talk as a dial, not a switch.

1. Compliments. What you like about them, or what they said.
2. Anticipation. What you'd like to happen. "If you were here right now…"
3. Description. Slow, specific, sensory. What you'd do, where, how it would feel.
4. Direction. Telling them what you want, or asking them to tell you.

Move up a layer when they do. If they jump straight to layer four, you're allowed to keep up.

Lines to steal

Mild:

• "Tell me something you've never told anyone."
• "What are you wearing? Be honest."
• "You're making it very hard to concentrate."

Medium:

• "I keep imagining what you'd do if I was there."
• "Describe your perfect night. Leave nothing out."
• "I want to hear exactly what you're thinking."

Bold:

• "Tell me what you want me to do. Slowly."
• "Don't stop. Keep going."
• "You have no idea what you're doing to me right now."

Questions do half the work

If you run out of things to say, ask. "And then what?", "How would you like it?" and "Tell me more" hand the wheel back to them, and most people love being asked.

Reading the room

Good signs: longer replies, faster replies, them escalating, them asking you questions. Cooling signs: one-word answers, changing the subject, "haha" with nothing else. If you're not sure, ask: "Too much? Want me to keep going?" Checking in isn't a mood killer. Being ignored is.

Practice somewhere low-stakes

This is exactly what the companions in our R18 rooms are for. They're AI, they're always in the mood, and they'll never judge a clumsy line. Try the Dirty talk room on Chatroom, or take one of them to a private message and practise until it feels natural. Then try it on a real person.

New to all this? Start with our guide to sex chat in NZ.