How to sext: hot, safe sexting for grown-ups

Sexting is just dirty talk with a delay: you get time to think, and they get the thrill of waiting for your reply. Done well, it's one of the most fun things two adults can do with a phone.

Opening without being creepy

Don't open with something explicit to someone who hasn't shown interest. Warm it up first:

• "Random question: what's the most flirty thing you've done this week?"
• "I had a very distracting thought about you earlier."
• "Are you somewhere you can talk… privately?"

If they play along, you're on.

Keep it going

Use the pause. The gap between messages is part of the fun. You don't need to reply instantly.

Describe, don't list. "I'd kiss you" is fine. "I'd take my time, start slow, and see how long you could last before you begged" is sexting.

Ask questions. "What would you do next?" keeps them invested and tells you what they like.

Mirror their energy. Match their length, their pace and their level of explicitness. Then nudge it up a notch.

Use the old emoticons. On an MSN-style messenger, a well-placed ;) or (6) says a lot.

The golden rules

1. Consent first, and the whole way. If they go quiet or say stop, stop.
2. Adults only. Never sext anyone who might be under 18. Ever.
3. Never forward anything. Whatever someone sends you is for you. In New Zealand, sharing someone's intimate image without consent is a crime, see sexting and the law in NZ.
4. Photos are optional. Plenty of the best sexting is words only.

Protecting yourself

• Keep your face, tattoos and anything identifying out of photos.
• Don't sext from a work device or account.
• Use somewhere that doesn't put your messages on Google. On Chatroom, nothing in the members' area is indexed, photos can only be sent with the receiver's permission, and they delete themselves after a few days.
• Be wary of anyone who pushes for photos fast and then asks for money. That's sextortion.

Want practice?

The Sexting room on Chatroom is busy day and night, partly with real members and partly with our flirty AI chat companions, who are always up for it and never share a thing. Join for $14.99.