Romance scams: 9 warning signs to watch for when you chat online

Romance scams aren't about being gullible. They're run by organised groups who are very good at what they do, and they follow a script. Once you know the script, it's much easier to spot.

These signs come from Netsafe's romance scam guidance and Consumer NZ, plus what our moderators see.

The 9 signs

1. It gets intense, fast

Big declarations of feelings within days. Pet names before you've had a proper conversation. It feels flattering — that's the point.

2. They want to move off the site

Early pressure to switch to WhatsApp, Telegram or text takes you away from moderators, reporting and blocking tools.

3. They can never video call

The camera's broken, the signal's bad, they're on an oil rig or a peacekeeping mission. Months go by and you've never seen them live.

4. The photos are a little too perfect

Scammers use stolen photos — often models, or people in uniform. A reverse image search (Google Lens works well) sometimes finds the real owner.

5. Their writing changes

Spelling, tone or time zone shifts from one day to the next can mean several people are working the same account.

6. There's a crisis

A medical bill, a customs fee, a frozen bank account, a ticket to come and see you. It's always urgent and always just this once.

7. Secrecy

"Don't tell your friends about us, they won't understand." Isolation keeps you from hearing a second opinion.

8. An "investment opportunity"

Some scams never ask for a gift — they introduce a crypto trading platform that shows your money growing. You can't withdraw it. Netsafe calls these "pig butchering" scams.

9. Gift cards, transfers or "moving money"

Requests to buy gift cards, send money overseas, or receive and forward money or parcels for them. Moving money for someone can get you into legal trouble.

What to do

• Stop. Don't send money or personal details while you think.
• Talk to someone you trust. Scams fall apart when a second person looks at them.
• Block and report. On myQR, click their name → Block, and Report. Our moderators look at every report.
• Call your bank straight away if you've sent money or card details — sometimes payments can be stopped.
• Report it to Netsafe and to the Police on 105.

Why a small entry fee helps

Scam operations rely on creating thousands of free accounts. A one-off $14.99 entry, paid in crypto, makes that much more expensive — it doesn't make scams impossible, but it changes the maths. Combined with real moderators, reporting on every name and message, and blocks that take effect immediately, it makes myQR a harder place to work a script.

If something feels off, trust that feeling. A real person will understand if you slow down.